What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 03:09
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im still living with it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What would be the lowest score with 9 strikes and no gutter balls?
Why did i forgive my father ?
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.
What are some ballbusting stories?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
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We were not on the streets..
But, we were locked up after school.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
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She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
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At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
What is the sum of X+XX+XXX+XXXX?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
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With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My family never makes their pension either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
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Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We all went to grammer schools
Comes on , in middle age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What are some downsides to living in Newfoundland and Labrador (besides the weather)?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was seconnd youngest,
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Put me off passion for life!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Would this be the day?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He knew the spot.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot live in the past .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ive learnt so much.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I have no regrets .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I think the readers, may guess!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She wouldn,t have been !
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When she asked me how she looked .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
All the time i was locked up.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I don,t even have a pension.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I will be 64.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I waited trembling.
She was in good health!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And i lived it daily.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She loved him until the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She found it foreign!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I said to her
I was scared of men, in general
I was 9 years of age.
So whats the point in blame.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Who then, do I blame.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My life is so biszare .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
It was going to be , some day.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it wasn’t much.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I write beautiful poetry .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What did i know ?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So, i spoilt her more .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She married twice! .